After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
