so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
