Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
