His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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