soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
