I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
