420 ftw
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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