if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
