Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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