dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just found puke in my bra..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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