I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
