"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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