VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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