"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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