; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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