Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
