Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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