Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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