ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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