Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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