i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
