her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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