What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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