kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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