Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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