I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
