4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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