Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
