This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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