i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
