Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
