How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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