Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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