Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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