something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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