sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
