I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
