His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
