i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
