you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
