there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it because I queefed?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
