Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
this hospital has no fireball
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
