So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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