No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
