Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wear drunk well.
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