he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
