also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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