Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
