i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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