Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
